25 Funny Old Irish Sayings (and What They Really Mean)
The Irish have always had a way with words. From witty one-liners to sharp proverbs, our sayings are full of humour, wisdom, and a little cheek. Some of them go back hundreds of years, but they still make sense today. Here are 25 funny old Irish sayings, along with their English meanings.
1. “Irish diplomacy is the ability to tell a man to go to hell so that he will look forward to the trip.”
Meaning: The Irish are masters of soft insults – you can tell someone off, and they’ll still thank you for it.
2. “May the roof above us never fall in, and may the friends gathered below it never fall out.”
Meaning: A good wish – may your home be safe, and may your friendships stay strong.
3. “A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.”
Meaning: Love changes through life, but you’ll always have your mother.
4. “It’s not a matter of life and death. It’s more important than that.”
Meaning: Usually said about sport – joking that it’s more serious than anything else.
5. “You’ll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind.”
Meaning: Thinking won’t get the job done – action will.
6. “A kind word never broke anyone’s mouth.”
Meaning: Saying something nice costs nothing.
7. “May your troubles be as few as my grandmother’s teeth.”
Meaning: A funny way of wishing you a trouble-free life.
8. “May the cat eat you, and may the devil eat the cat.”
Meaning: A very Irish curse – wishing double bad luck on someone.
9. “Don’t be breaking your shin on a stool that’s not in your way.”
Meaning: Don’t go looking for problems that aren’t there.
10. “A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.”
Meaning: Simple Irish medicine – humour and rest.
11. “If you’re lucky enough to be Irish… you’re lucky enough.”
Meaning: Being Irish is the best luck of all.
12. “Better the coldness of a friend than the sweetness of an enemy.”
Meaning: Honest friends are worth more than fake ones.
13. “He’s got a tongue that would clip a hedge.”
Meaning: Said of someone who talks too much or too sharply.
14. “The older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune.”
Meaning: Older people (or things) often have more charm.
15. “A silent mouth is sweet to hear.”
Meaning: Sometimes it’s better to say nothing.
16. “A man who can’t hold his drink should stay out of the tavern.”
Meaning: If you can’t handle it, don’t do it.
17. “A narrow neck keeps the bottle from being emptied in one pull.”
Meaning: A clever excuse for why the drink lasts longer than one gulp.
18. “You’ll never miss the water till the well runs dry.”
Meaning: You don’t value something until it’s gone.
19. “A fool is a man who never tried whiskey.”
Meaning: Life’s too short not to taste the good stuff.
20. “The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill.”
Meaning: A dark but funny take on Irish humour – sometimes we prefer curses for enemies over blessings for ourselves.
21. “He’s as useless as a chocolate teapot.”
Meaning: A funny way to say someone (or something) is no good at all.
22. “She has a tongue on her like a viper.”
Meaning: Said of someone who’s very sharp or nasty when they speak.
23. “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”
Meaning: You can’t turn something poor into something fancy.
24. “Never bolt your door with a boiled carrot.”
Meaning: Don’t rely on something weak when you need strength.
25. “May your glass be ever full, your roof ever strong, and the friends gathered around you ever many.”
Meaning: A classic Irish blessing for good drink, good shelter, and good company.
Final Thoughts
Irish sayings mix humour with wisdom. Some make you laugh, others make you think, and many do both at the same time. Next time you’re in a pub or at a family gathering, try dropping one of these lines – you’ll sound like a proper old Irish storyteller.